Of Scattered Time and Exploding Cats
by DancingYukihime
Summary: For some time now, people all over the continent hve been disappearing and jumping off to the future - but they dont know that. Then, to add on to the stress of seeing their younger counterparts, whatever gods up there decided to wreck complete and utter havoc on Konoha, via the most - as the Nara say - troublesome team it has produced up to date. Yes people, team seven.


It was a lovely day in Konoha, as normal as it could possibly get. Of course, if you ask any half-baked ninja worth their chakra, you'd know that the weirdest days often started as the most normal ones, as our beloved team seven is about to find out.

One Naruto Uzumaki was currently in, as Shikamaru would say; "a _very_ troublesome dilemma,"

And indeed, a dilemma it was. It involved twitching, tick marks, and restraint; a valuable virtue of shinobi the hyperactive blond had never in his life exercised (it was, in fact, not entirely impossible that the genin did not know what it even was). Truly, he did not know what to make of his problem.

_Calm down, calm down… Don't hit, don't… hit…_

"Tee hee,"

Luckily, some god up there seemed to take pity on him and got someone else to solve his problem.

**WHACK**

"DAMN YOU, YOU STUPID PERV, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE GETTING THE JUMPERS SETTLED IN, NOT GIGGLING OVER PORN!" A yell resounded throughout the village, as one Kakashi Hatake was punched through several walls. Well, ninja were quite fond of their collateral damage.

Sweat dropping at this, team seven turned to face the demon from hell that just incapacitated their sensei.

She wore a fuchsia Chinese-style dress that went down to her knees and split into four at her waist, revealing black cargo short shorts and sandals. Her eyes were a fluorescent lime green, and she had a pair of intricately designed chopsticks stuck in the bun of pink hair- wait, PINK?!

But the only _pink_ headed kunoichi either of them could think of was…

The male members of team seven akwardly twitched their heads between their utterly useless, pink-haired fangirl teammate, and the hellion.

Finally deciding that he'd had enough of swivelling his head back and forth between the two pinkettes, Naruto consciously questioned the hellion, "S-sakura…?"

She raised an eyebrow in response, "Do you happen to know any other pink-haired kunoichi in Konoha?"

"U-um… no?"

"Then yeah, I guess I am Sakura," Now _that _got the three genin gaping, albeit for different reasons entirely.

Sausuke was gaping because he didn't really think she could've made it as a shinobi.

Sakura's mouth was hanging open thinking of utterly gorgeous and cool and strong she would become and how she would have definitely have won Sasuke's heart.

Naruto's jaw was just on the floor in plain awe.

Groaning in exasperation, the pinkette thought to herself; _Oh, come _on, _was I really so incompetent that even past me's jaw is on the floor?_

_Yes _said a traitorous little part of her consciousness that sounded suspiciously like Sai.

Sighing, the pink haired beauty turned to face the trail of destruction left in Kakashi's wake.

"Well, since _he's_ currently out of commission, I suppose I'm the one who'll have to show you around, huh?"

The poor genin could only nod mutely.

* * *

><p>Now, you're probably wondering what the hell all the crap about 'past me' was all about. Well, allow me to explain.<p>

For the past few weeks, random people all over the continent had been disappearing. No tracks to follow, nothing so much as a by your leave.

Well, it actually so happened, as the disapearees had found out the hard way, they were actually waltzing off to the future, and every day they spent in said future, was one day they were missing from the past, according to records that had appeared in their archive out of the blue.

* * *

><p>As it turned out, the genin were spared a lifetime of fear by a mission call for Sakura intended to do just that. So now, she was leading them to her replacement.<p>

After the initial discomfort, the three had warmed up to her, though they still kept a distance (read: out of punching range).

Of course, this newfound familiarity gave them no qualms bugging her for info about her replacement.

"So, is it a boy or a girl?"

"Hn. Are they strong?"

"Is it a cute guy?"

"Do they have cool jutsu?"

"Can I fight them?"

"Do they hate Ino-pig?"

"Is it a fangirl?"

"Is it Sasuke?"

"Do they hate my pranks?"

_Do they hate _me_...?_

Stilling at the hidden message, her mind flashed back to how the villagers used to treat the hyperactive blond before Pein's attack. How _she_ used to treat him.

Shaking herself out of her reverie, she listed, "Boy, yes, yes, yes, maybe, no, gigantic no, even bigger no, aaaand definite no,"

Seeing the three staring at her blankly, she elaborated, "Answers. The answers to your questions, respectively,"

A thoughtful look passed through their faces, before Sakura scrunched her face up into a pout, and asked (whined), "It's not Sasuke?"

"They generally try not to put anti-social people on the welcoming comitee,"

"And they put that?" Naruto asked, pointing to their fainted sensei who was being dragged by the collar to the infirmary by Kotetsu and Izumo (who else?).

The four, sparing a moment, sweatdropped at the sight before future-Sakura conceded, "Good point,"

Her past self gave a smile.

"But he's still not going to turn into Sasuke,"

The smile dropped.

"So, who _is_ this ever elusive replacement, hmm?"

"Well…," she began, swiveling her head around, "he _should_ be somewhere around here… ah-ha! _There_ he is!

"HEY! BLONDIE, OVER HERE!"

Hearing the yell, they saw their presumed replacement guide – a blond in a white coat, long, gray, fingerless gloves with white trim, gray shinobi sandals, white pants taped at the ankle, and a long, loose light orange, blouse-like shirt, and hitai-ate on a white cloth around his forehead – spin around to face and walk toward them, expressing slight surprise.

He looked vaguely familiar, but the three genin couldn't place it…

* * *

><p>Somewhere in the past, chilling in the Shinigami's Belly, one Minato Namikaze sneezed.<p>

"Ah-choo!"

Frowning, he pondered over it.

"I didn't think it was even _possible _for me to sneeze in here…"

Oh well. At the very least he had something other than the deep mysteries of the road of life crap Obito kept spamming to think about.

* * *

><p>Back in the future, Sakura giggled. Her future self was right. He <em>was <em>cute.

As he got closer, Naruto saw whisker marks on the other blonde's cheeks, but chose not to say anything.

"Sakura-chan, hi. Um… I thought you were supposed to be on a mission?" the blond inquired.

"Well, I was _supposed _to be on a mission, but a certain _somebody_ just absolutely _loves_ to play ghost,"

"Eh-heh-heh… uh… sorry?"

Seeing a tick mark appear on the pinkkette's still rather large forehead, the whiskered blond desperately attempted to scramble away.

His efforts were in vain.

Eerily reminiscent of the way she effortlessly punched the S-ranked future version of their sensei through several walls, she launched him with enough force to shatter several buildings.

Unfortunately for her, her blond friend was more resilient than a chakra-enhanced, titanium wall from iron country – unlike her sensei who was a bit of a glass cannon – high damage, but crap for defense – and thus, her aforementioned blond friend ended up emerging from the debris relatively unharmed.

However, what _really _sent the time jumpers reeling was the fact that none of the villagers were flopping around like headless chickens – as if it was a normal, everyday occurrence that someone was punched through walls. Come to think of it, there wasn't any screaming when Kakashi was used as ammo to blast holes through fifty-thousand walls either.

And actually, mind flashing to how by the time he was ten, the villagers of Konoha no longer batted an eye when he waltzed around in an orange jumpsuit, ANBU (_elite_ ANBU specially trained to track and retrieve – _elite_ ANBU who never seemed to manage to catch him) on his tail, Naruto could believe that it _was, _in fact, a normal, boring, _everyday_ occurrence.

As a result, he looked relatively unperturbed and, like the rest of the village, didn't bat an eyelid when future-Sakura began using the blond as target practice for some sharp kunai. _Very _sharp kunai.

**WHOOSH**

Actually, make that _very sharp _kunai, and _very sharp_ shuriken.

**SWISH**

And senbon.

His teammates on the other hand, were gaping like fish.

"What. The. HELL," said Sakura, surprisingly.

And look (or listen, whatever)!

"Hn. Seconded,"

Yet another surprising thing! Sasuke actually _agreed_ with somebody on something!

Hold on, SASUKE _agreed_ with somebody on something. _Sasuke agreed with somebody on something__**. Sasuke agreed with somebody on something.**_

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! DEAR HOLY GODS, **_SASUKE AGEED WITH SOMEBODY ON SOMETHING! _**THE WORLD IS EEEEEENNNNNNNDDDDDDIIIIIIIIINNNNGGGGGG!

**_KABOOOOOM!_**

_I'm sorry, but…_

_The World Was Destroyed…_

_Game Over…_

…

Nah, not really. Here's the rest of your story.

"HEELLLOOOO! You're freaking out S&S (Haha, get it? M&M? hahaha… *sigh* bad pun, I know) over here so bad they're actually _agreeing _on something," Naruto butted in.

Momentarily pausing their _very_ one-sided game of tag (ninja-style, of course), the two jounin looked over at Naruto, and then at his teammates.

Apparently deeming this to be true, the two paled, then hurriedly abandoned their "fun little game" and made their way over.

"Okay now, no agreeing on something with somebody, Sasuke. I love future you to death, but it's creepy when you do it, and usually means disaster," future-Sakura admonished.

The three genin stared at her blankly until the other blond interrupted.

"Erm… Sakura…" their replacement guide motioned towards his watch. Eyes widening, future Sakura tsked, and quickly ran through introductions. "Ok, as you've probably already guessed –and frankly, if you haven't then I highly recommend you quit your shinobi career and choose another profession – blondie over here is my replacement. He'll also show you where you'll be living for your stay, if any future versions of your family here in the future neglect to take you in. He's also the one you go to if you have any problems or questions relating to the future.

"And oh, before I forget, I'm not entirely sure if we've told you, but we actually have absolutely _no_ idea how you got to the future," she checked her watch, "Alright, I have to go now. I'm about an hour late to my mission briefing. Bye!" She shunshined off.

Turning to the blond who had whipped out a sketchbook at some point during the lecture, team seven inquired about what he was drawing.

He looked at them and blinked impishly.

"Seals, of course. I'm one of the few people in this village that have at least _some_ experience in fuuinjutsu,"

"Seals?" asked Sasuke, wrinkling his nose. Probably thinking about how useless they were.

"Yeah, now gimme a sec. I_ really_ don't want this to blow up, especially since I'm so close to finishing it,"

"B-blow up?" Sakura asked, stuttering.

"Yes. Unstable seals are extremely volatile, you know,"

That shut the three of them up.

…

Well, at least until he finished the sketch.

Then they prompted him to introduce himself. Via 20 questions.

That went waaayyy over 20 questions.

And didn't give him enough time to answer.

They started off fairly normal.

"What's your name?"

"How old are you?"

"What's your favourite food?"

"What's your favourite colour?"

"What are your hobbies?"

"Are you _really_ strong?"

Then, they started getting weirder.

"Is future-me dating Sasuke?"

"Actually, forget about your strength, FIGHT ME,"

"Where were you born?"

And weirder.

"Are you single?"

"Can you teach me some cool new jutsu that can make ANBU dance?"

"Did I kill Itachi with glitter pens?"

"Can you help me with my pranks? I want to put a lizard in the hokage's pants,"

And even weirder.

"What are your hopes and dreams? I want to write them down in my things-to-do-to-surpass-Itachi-after-I've-killed-him-with-glitter-pens-notebook,"

"Do you know where future-Suasuke is? I want to stalk him,"

After that particularly creepy comment, the twenty-year old blond blanked out, questioning the sanity of having had a crush on Sakura at one point in his life.

* * *

><p>Seeing that the mysterious blond had dared to space out after an Uchiha – an UCHIHA – had issued a battle challenge to him – some people would kill for the honor! – Sasuke decided to take matters into his own hands.<p>

* * *

><p>Snapping to attention at a mini-Sasuke launching himself at him, the whiskered blond from the future sighed. Seemed like the brat just wanted to go ahead and throw down in the middle of the street.<p>

Leisurely sidestepping the kunai Sasuke had apparently intended to stab him with, he grabbed the genin's wrist, twirled him around, and pinned him to the ground, knocking him out.

Lifting the raven by the collar, he grabbed the child's teammates, and shunshined to where he first met Kakashi-sensei and his genin team. The place was rebuilt sometime in the four years after Pein's attack.

Dropping them unceremoniously on the ground, he stood where his sensei once stood in front of them, and waited for the genin to regain their bearings.

Grinning at their glares they had unintentionally laced with killing intent, the blond introduced himself.

"I'm twenty years old, born and bred in Konoha. My favourite foods are ramen and orange-flavoured lollipops, and my favourite colour is orange, though yellow pulls a close third, and red – the bloody kind – an even closer second. My dream – my goal is to become hokage, and my hope is to be able to protect everyone I call a friend. My hobbies are making seals, pranking people, humiliating people in general, mocking stuck-up nobles and ANBU, bothering the hokage, and sometimes – sometimes – playing the flute. As for how strong I am, well, I made jounin, didn't I?" he asked with a grin.

"That's all and well, but aren't you forgetting something?" Sasuke asked, a "bit" impatient.

"Hm? I did? What?"

"Erm… your name," the pinkette elaborated.

"Oh? What about it?"

"You… didn't tell us your name,"

Giving them a ***t-eating grin, he told them, slightly cryptic, "If you haven't already guessed, then I highly recommend you find another career and quit the shinobi lifestyle," he said, echoing the other Sakura's words.

Glancing at each other, and then taking a long look first at the jounin's introduction, then at his neck-length, blond, spiky hair that looked like Naruto's, only longer, his lightly tanned skin which would be their hyperactive teammate's if hadn't been sunburnt pink, and finally, the whisker marks the S&S pair had never noticed before came to a decidedly different conclusion their strangely silent ramen-loving teammeate (who actually got the right one).

The hyperactive blond began, "You're –,"

"You're a long lost relative of Naruto who is now dead," S&S decided with finality.

Falling down anime-style, the jounin blond inquired about this particular comment.

Sakura elaborated, "Well, taking in all the information that was handed to us, the only possible conclusions we could draw were A) that you were Naruto himself, but since Naruto's shinobi career is bound to crash and burn at genin, while you on the other hand, have made jounin, we decided on reason B) you're a long lost relative of Naruto's. As for this guy," she said, poking her blond teammate, "being dead, well, we figured with _his _luck, he was probably dead by the time he got the chance to meet some family," she concluded firmly.

Falling down anime-style once again and sweat-dropping at both her certainty, and the gloomy storm cloud that had appeared above his younger counterpart's head respectively, the blond gave them a smile and told them, "No, actually, I _am _Naruto,"

Queue awkward silence. Then, taking first, a look at their ramen junkie of a teammate, then at the blond jonin, a _very_ undignified, "EEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHH?" came flying out the S&S duo's mouths'.

Yes, people, _Sasuke_ screamed like a little girl. So shoot me. Actually, on second thought, don't.

Unfortunately, Sasuke _still _screamed.

_And So…_

_The World Is Ending Once Again…_

_Whelp, too bad, so sad._

_Respawn_

* * *

><p>"…so, everyone done screaming now?" the newly dubbed "future Naruto" asked.<p>

"Y-yeah, I think so," came Sakura's reply.

Then; "Maybe,"

At this, future Naruto began to slam his face against the railing.

"Erm… you okay?" Sakura asked rather cautiously, and rightly so. He was – contrary to common belief – actually quite dangerous when in what his friends called his super-psycho-lunatic-hyperactive-ninja-on-sugar mode. Which, needless to say, he was currently in.

The presumed future version of the most hyper creature in Konoha (and possibly the entire world) paused momentarily in his head-bashing to give the pink-haired kunoichi "The Look".

Suddenly, as if "The Look" was the catalyst for the apocalypse, all the three genin got a bad feeling in their stomach. A _very_ bad feeling. One akin to eating rocks soaked in your comrades' blood. Frankly, they felt like puking.

* * *

><p>As it so happened, the S&amp;S duo got their proof that the blond jonin was Naruto. It just wasn't the kind of the proof they expected.<p>

After the eating-bloody-stones-feeling the younger team seven got, future Naruto had apparently decided to "Relieve some stress."

Thus, team seven, in all their glory, decided to march through a town they knew virtually nothing about to spy on the guide that had abruptly left them in the name of violent exasperation (which was Sasuke's idea) because as Sasuke said (not out loud, of course), they (he) was just badass like that.

And so, when the trio finally got back to town (Which involved a lot – and I mean a _lot_ – of screaming, yelling, "Are we there yet?"s, "You got us lost, idiot!"s, and generally a bunch of other nonsensical, everyday _"boring"_ team seven stuff which frankly, is another story altogether, so I'm not gonna bother sticking you with it). A journey which took about oh, I don't know, fifty thousand years (because of some mystical, unexplainable multiverse anomaly powers (which they acquired through a combination of being the main characters of a shounen manga, and some guy named Ash (apparently he was already in his teens despite looking younger than them) who a left them with a D-rank that consisted of taking care of his six very peculiar pets (he claimed he was going to visit _another_ batch of said pets), most notably of which was a giant electric yellow rat thingy that – surprise, surprise, was actually able to speak human (honestly, it was just too bad that the only thing it knew how to say was "Pikachu!", or variations of it – odd, I know, but don't look at _me_) and after the man(or teen, whatever)-child had paid them a rather hefty sum (still not enough to compensate for their torture, however), he dumped a strange jutsu scroll on them that, according to him "gave them more time" – whatever that meant) they were able to come out of the fifty thousand years relatively unscathed) and left them just in time to get caught smack-dab in the middle of one of Naruto's more vicious practical jokes in his pranking spree.

* * *

><p>…<p>

Why are you staring? What? You thought "relieve some stress" meant something else?

…EEEEEEKKKKK! PERV ALERT, PERV ALERT! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!

**Three Hours Later…**

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

**Five Hours Later…**

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

**Nine Hours La– alright, you know what? Screw this.**

**_Fast Forward!_**

Geez, _why _can't you be more like Konoha's villagers (who frankly, are just glad that the Kyubi Jinchuuriki wasn't going on a _killing _spree)? Honestly, people these days…

Now, back to the story.

* * *

><p>Limply spraying out the water in her mouth, Sakura shifted her gaze towards the sheepish blond (who, by the way, was no longer in his S.P.L.N.S. mode (super-psycho-lunatic-hyperactive-ninja-on-sugar mode)), and promptly<em> freaked.<em>

**_BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPP_**

_The following scenes have been censored due to excessive blood, violence, and needlessly elaborate death threats that would traumatize even Chuck Norris._

_We apologize for any inconvenience we might have caused._

* * *

><p>Repeatedly punching the wall of her older self's guest bedroom, Sakura imagined her fists striking future Naruto's face instead of drywall, whilst ranting to the other members of team seven about him and his impudence.<p>

"I mean, seriously, I thought even _he _would've matured by now, but nooooo, he goes and puts a retarded prank in the middle of the main street, like, honestly – ," and she continued on and on and on…, " – right?"

Realizing she was talking to them, Sasuke replied with a customary,"Hn,"

Surprised that it was her crush that answered instead of the blond boy, she was at first positively giddy at the prospect that her precious Sasuke-kun was finally, getting closer to her, but then grew worried when their dubbed dead-last didn't say anything.

Oddly enough, it seemed as if her two teammates had switched bodies, as instead of Sasuke, it seemed to be_ Naruto _who was brooding for once.

The said blond was currently lost in thought, thinking about what his future self had said to him in the hospital after Sakura's little freak episode.

* * *

><p>"What do you think about all of this time-travel stuff?" his future self had asked.<p>

Surprised at the question, he answered with the first thought – first _dumb_ thought – that popped into his mind, "I think it's totally awesome that we get to meet our future selves! I mean, they could teach us all sorts of cool jutsu and stuff!" he said with a big, wide grin.

Responding with his own haunting grin that showed just the slightest hint of teeth, the older blond told (subtly threatened) him, "No, Naruto-chaaan, tell me what you reeaallyy think,"

Instinctively slapping on his "total dumbass" mask that had by some miracle even managed to fool Kakashi-sensei, he asked, "What do you mean?"

His grin turning just that slightest bit sadistic, the older blond responded with, "Oh, Naruto-_chan_ I think you know what I mean," his hand slowly creeping towards his weapons pouch.

Why, oh _why_ did they allow weapons in the hospital? Oh yeah, because this was a ninja hospital that treated ninjas. _Paranoid _ninjas who got panicky, antsy, and_ violent_ without their weapons.

Suddenly, the hand stopped moving, and his older self's smile had turned gentle.

Giving a soft laugh, the jonin blond had placed the same hand that was reaching for his weapons pouch earlier on his shoulder, and told him, "There isn't much I can tell you without screwing up the space-time continuum, but what I _can_ tell you is that it gets better," then added, "And please keep in mind that for all intents and purposes we're the same person,"

Immediately after the statement had processed, the younger blonde's 'dummy' mask dropped.

"Thanks for the pep talk, I needed that,"

"No prob. Cheering people up is my specialty, so come to me if you're ever feelin' down in the dumps. I'd be happy to help," he smiled.

"Now shoo, before Shizune-nee catches you past visiting hours. Then we'd _both_ be stuck in the hospital,"

He was about to inquire as to just who this Shizune-nee was, but the older blond had – quite literally, actually – kicked him out via window.

Two hours later, his butt still hurt.

* * *

><p>"Heeeeeeeeelllllllloooooooooooo, anybody home?"<p>

Noticing his pink-haired teammate frantically waving her hand in front of his face, he jumped back with a shout, wondering if Sakura had finally kicked the bucket.

"Oh look, the dobe lives," his revenge-obsessed teammate deadpanned.

"Oh lookie, the teme speaks," he shot right back.

"Tch,"

"Stop fighting, you two," Sakura said, glancing at the clock.

The command wasn't very loud, but surprisingly _did_ get the two to stop fighting, leaving them gaping at the sudden boldness of tem seven's only female member.

Then, trying to be considerate, the pinkette asked them, "Should you be getting home by now? I mean, it's getting really late,"

The raven shook his head, and said, "Apparently, my future self is away on a mission, so I've got his place all to myself. Well, at least until he comes home and kicks me out,"

"And you put my meal ticket in the infirmary, so…"

At this, the pinkette blushed bashfully.

"Sooo, whaddya wanna do?" the blond asked.

"Well, we could always…"

* * *

><p>Three hours later, a blond, pinkette, and raven entered the room to find weapons, board games, and cards scattered about, and their younger selves sprawled on the ground.<p>

Giving a soft smile (except Sasuke), the three jonin hefted their respective charges and silently tucked them into bed, this time in their own apartments.

They could see each other in the morning. As close as they ended up, the older ninja didn't think even _they_ were ready for bunking together, let alone their younger counterparts.

* * *

><p><strong>Disclaimer: Standard disclaimer applies. I don't own Naruto.<strong>

**Heya folks, yet another crappy story from me, but frankly, I was bored, and I ended up just typing this thing, so… yeah. I don't think anything here really needs clarification, but please tell me if there is, and please review.**

**-Yuki, out**


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